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FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO HAVE PETS
Date: 2011-01-19T08:20:34.650
Author: Unknown
Editor note: THIS IS A TRUE STORY.
FOR THOSE THAT DON'T, IT'S STILL A TRUE STORY.
This was found posted very low on a refrigerator door:
Number of Views: 1877
This was found posted very low on a refrigerator door:
Dear Dogs and Cats:
The dishes with the paw prints are yours & contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.
The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Racing me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because
I fall faster than you can run.
I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort, however. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep.
It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other, stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out & having tongues hanging out on the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.
For the last time, there is no secret exit from the bathroom! If, by some miracle, I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw under the edge in an attempt to open the door. I must exit through the same door I entered; also,I have been using the bathroom for years,canine/feline attendance is not required.
The proper order for kissing is:
Kiss me first then go smell the other dog or cat's butt.
I cannot stress this enough.
Finally, in fairness, dear pets,
I have posted the following message on the front door:
TO ALL NON-PET OWNERS WHO VISIT AND
LIKE TO COMPLAIN ABOUT OUR PETS:
(1) They live here. You don't.
(2) If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture. That's why they call it 'fur'-niture.
(3) I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.
(4) To you, they are animals. To me, they are adopted sons/daughters who are short, hairy, walk on all fours and don't speak clearly.
Remember, dogs & cats are "better" than kids because:
(1) they eat less,
(2) they don't ask for money all the time,
(3) they're easier to train,
(4) they normally come when called,
(5) they never ask to drive the car,
(6) they don't hang out with drug-using people;
(7) don't smoke or drink,
(8) don't want to wear your clothes or
buy the latest fashions
(9) don't criticize with the "eye roll" or muttered remarks,
(10) don't need a gazillion dollars for college and
(11) if they get pregnant, you can sell their children ....
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